The Not-so Hidden Secret of Sincerity

I have understood something that I wish to share.

It is about partly 1. The subconscious, and 2. the unconscious


How do you know if someone is truly happy, or putting on a brave front?

It's not only about the smiling eyes, it's not about showing teeth, and I've known for a long time it's more than that. If it is not as simple as the eyes, the teeth, the laugh, there is ought to be something else.


Firstly, let me clarify, or rather, emphasize, on how important smiling is. It is like understanding an atom; you either make a medical miracle out of it, or make an atomic bomb. The smile is basically the same thing, only deadlier. But let's get into number one, straight to the point.


The subconscious: This is what I describe as something as YOU know deep inside that just isn't brought up to the surface of your mind as a conscious thought, and therefore you 'don't know' in the conscious thought language until you have been reminded or enlightened of it in one way or another. Clear enough?

It's like subconsciously you're craving for raspberry ice-cream, but you just do not know that you want it, you are just so frustrated but you do not know why. Then you smell some fruit and vanilla perfume and your mouth unconsciously waters, the inner desire is subconscious. Then you remember or realize you want something cold and creamy with a cherry on top. That is when you brought it into conscious thought and do something about it. Oh, and by the way, hopefully you went to buy that ice-cream.

A question: Can you control it? It's like controlling sleepwalking and dreams. No you can't, and yes you can. It depends all solely on you, but I'll leave it to you to guess, as it requires enlightment from yourself. But I'll give you a hint. It starts with the letter 'M'. And if you actually figured it out, that subject alone is too complex to discuss.

So here is the important part in number 1: THE SUBCONSCIOUS. If you are sad and put on a forced smile, I can still see if you are tormented, sad etc. But it depends if you are disturbed enough by something when you are talking, or if you are thinking of a particular problem when you are communicating. But usually if it bugs you just enough, you are going to show it.

And HOW DOES IT SHOW ITSELF? Look closely: Just before they talk, given if something's wrong, they are going to frown, merely half a second or less. THEN they start talking. Or if they are feigning a sad face while actually laughing at you inside, their eyes smile for that split moment before the fake expression takes place. I've noticed this but it took me a while to put it to theory. Just maybe: Emotions come first before any expression, whether it be on the face or in words. If it is not so, there will be only one and one reason only, and that is that particular person is being mind-controlled. Does it make sense? Actually it is not that hard to notice, and not that easy either. Not hard because one second is actually quite long to the human eye, not easy because one second is too short for the human perception. One second is a very small number and value numerically, but it is a very big sign that people should notice and holds a big value...it may even be a difference between life and death...and it only needs someone to actually NOTICE IT, A.K.A. bring it to the conscious level to do something about it! That is why, you know something is wrong with that smiling friend but just cannot seem to put the words what. That is why, you thought you felt something, but you do not know what it is! They even notice it on some cartoon characters! It is the frown...the very small specific that suddenly becomes oh-so-obvious if people would just NOTICE!! When a human cannot percieve, or think through something fast enough for the moment, all of the rest is thrown into the subconscious, at least this is what I think. So the advice here is don't procrastinate: NOTICE! Now that you know better, your subconscious may be fed with this new information and you will start to notice such specifics without you knowing it...You may unconsciously bring up something that is in your subconscious into the conscious level when seeing such things occurring and start knowing and recognizing them, because I just told you! Or start to open your eyes and see!



Tired yet? Number 2, the unconscious. I would describe this as something of yourself that you may come to notice one day but you cannot control it, because it is in your nature, your mechanism, just like your heartbeat. It is a wonderful creation of God, this is the only way I can explain this, because it is just too subtle, specific and wonderful to be mere coincidence. And just as well too, because it is this that thieves and liars cannot run away from. No matter HOW you try, you WILL unconsciously frown or smile opposite to the expression you are showing, because it is the way it is. Start noticing. If you cannot, start recording videos. Play them as slow as you like and watch the sides of the mouth. Provided you draw people a lot, and I mean A LOT of experience. Draw two people. Both different people but with stagnant faces. Then very carefully put a slight curve upwards on one of their mouths and a slight curve downwards on the other. I would not say this if you were to draw it very obviously. Of course I mean draw it with a 0.5 or 0.3-width pencil if you have to. Finish the artwork and put it aside. Take them back a few days later and naturally you will see that one is somehow a happy person while one is not. A simple and very small inconspicuous line makes the difference. A big difference. Such a line is so insignificant, but the value is equavalent to a big trail of line scratched upon a Mona Lisa. That is how big the value should be for people to notice. It is a fake smile, he shows almost nothing, but it means something. And it means a lot. Not showing something MEANS something itself. Humans always take physical proof and disregard the mental, psychological or the inner aspect. And even at taking on physical proof, they have failed. Evidence of absence is not the absence of evidence. It. Is. There. Look out for it.


Of course do not be depressed by how I am putting my words. Of course it is not easy to expect someone be sad that day. In fact, i is downright impossible. Of course it is not easy to be awake and attentive to all the so-called 'specifics' all the time. But you CAN notice these things without being consciously trying to take note of people's emotions. And again, that goes back to the 'M' word again.


But let me tell you this at least: 'Specifics' is yet another word created to separate us from what is supposed to be seen as connected, because believe it or not, the 'specifics' are the most important part in any subject, any expression...virtually ANYTHING. Think about it. You don't just get the math question and write the answer. You need to know how to do it by applying the formula, specifically. And the true masters of mathematics know specifically, more into detail on why to use such a formula, and even knew how it came about. If you have a heart problem, you go to a more specified doctor - a cardiologist. A psychologist cannot just hear what you have to say and somehow solve the problem. He has to pick out the specifics behind the veil of negative emotions you express. Great law enforcers detect specifics in evidence, testimonies and situations to uphold justice. The great peoples of the world care for lowly people deemed insignificant by the majority, like Mother Teresa, Mahatma Ghandi, good entrepenuers who care for lowly workers... You don't act without the tiny neurons sparking in your brain. The huge world can be changed for the better not by a large-scaled war or a big disaster, but from the core of EVERY human heart (Do you have any idea how hard this is?). And by the way it is the very core of people's hearts that will bring wars and disasters to a stop, or ease the pain. The earth with all of its magnificence will not be as it is if its core is not holding it in place. The universe would be a disaster if not the centre, the core of it to hold it in balance. The more 'specific' one is, the more one seems to be in a higher class or of higher regard in human society. And yet we like to brush the specifics aside, so easily.

Smile genuinely, for it is the small change that creates health miracles that science cannot explain and destruction in the form of deceit, teasing and lauging-ats which may be the only difference between putting a depressed person in a state of hope or in the state of letting go at the cliff's edge.

I always get carried away and have to pause for a while for the conclusion. Where am I now? Ah,　I remember. I was estatic that this was confirmed in the series "Lie To Me", introduced by my friend, and that is why I am excited to share this to you. I have not watched it myself, but you watch it and see what can you get aside from entertainment.



Cheers.

JWCD

Hidden Aspects of Communication

There are a lot of hidden aspects of communication. There are two types of language which are language and paralanguage. There are speech and writing under language and kinesics, tone and character of voice, proximics, and clothing/makeup/etc.

Language
Speech and Writing
We usually communicate in different ways when we're not speaking. It is usually not thought in school but it is considered very important for communication. We informally learn body language to emphasize what we do or say.


Paralanguage-helps to prevent ineffective communication
Kinesics
Kinesics is another word for body language. We tend to use body language to show our expressions. For example, when we want to express when you're excited, happy, sad, annoyed, bored, etc. Another example for this is what my group and I had done for our human communication assignment which was about body languages.

Tone and Character of voice
There are no connotations depending what you're trying to say by the tone of voice. There are different types of tones which are the sarcastic, sad, annoyed, happy, etc by yelling, whispering, sighing, whining, etc.

Proximics (interaction distances)
Proximics are usually determined how culture defined the uses of space. Most people are unaware of the importance of space in communication. The comfort zone is usually when two people ten to get closer and comfortable with each other. When two people are far away when they are talking to each other, that means that they are showing their boundaries between each other.

Clothing/makeup/etc
Clothing is used to provide protection, modesty, etc. For instance, in Arab countries, women are usually covered from head to toe except for their eyes. This is more to culture based. Other than that, there are certain clothes are more to businesses or formal occasions. However, there are clothes that worn to sexually attract others. People appearances also shows their gender, age, economic class and often their intentions.

http://anthro.palomar.edu/language/language_6.htm#military_body_language_return

Communication Problems

According to Wiio's laws, he believes that "we need to admit their truth and build upon them, instead of comfortably exercizing illusionary communication."

His first statement is that "communication usually fails, except by accident."
"If communication can fail, it will" because there are so many risks and can interact in so many ways and that usually fails. Interaction can usually lead one problem to another. Like the previous video that my group and i did, the moral story is that body language are not universal because all cultures are different in body languages.

"If communication cannot fail, it still most usually fails" because you don't take care about the communication you're having. The communication that you're having are unambiguous, effective and understandable. You usually don't think before you act, therefore, you tend to hurt that person and thus having loads of communication problems.

"If communication seems to succeed in the intended way, there's a misunderstanding" because people assume that communication is simple, easy and successful. I try to interpret what you are saying in the manner which I like which is not coherent with the message that you're actually trying to convey.

Sources:-
http://www.cs.tut.fi/~jkorpela/wiio.html

OLDEN DAYS COMMUNICATION

1) Writing a letter and a pigeon taking it away to the person it has to go to.

2) Used to set up fire and from the fire, the smoke go's up in the sky and they the people
see it then they know that someone is trying to communicate with them.


3) Grunting and arm waving.


4) Drawing on walls .


5) Letters.


6) The drums.


7) Signaling lamp.


8) Barter system.



References:

1. http://www.blurtit.com/q4131246.html
2. http://www.blurtit.com/q2312929.html
3. http://wiki.answers.com
4. http://www.blurtit.com/q2312929.html

DONE BY: ISHVERJIT SINGH

Interpersonal Conflict

Conflict is a part of most every interpersonal relationship. Managing conflict, then, is important if the relationship is to be long-lasting and rewarding.


What is conflict?

Conflict has been defined as "an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals". Important concepts in this definition include "expressed struggle," which means the two sides must communicate about the problem for there to be conflict. Another important idea is that conflict often involves perceptions. The two sides may only perceive that their goals, resources, and interference is incompatible with each others.


Common Problems in Conflict Management?

Researchers have identified several problems that typically arise in conflict situations. First, the parties will simply avoid the conflict. This can be damaging, because it can lead to greater problems in the future. It is usually best that the individuals discuss their differences. Second, individuals involved in conflict may blame the other individual. Often, individuals go beyond the specific behavior in question and blame the character of the person. When people use words such as, "He's such a slob," they are engaging in blame the other behavior. A final problem that is often encountered in conflict management is adopting a win-lose mentality. Focusing on each individual's goals/outcomes will help avoid using a win-lose strategy.



FROM TWO CLIMATE,


1) Defensive climate

The climate in which conflict is managed is important. Dyads should avoid a defensive climate, which is characterized by these qualities:

• Evaluation: judging and criticizing other group members.
• Control: imposing the will of one group member on the others.
• Strategy: using hidden agendas.
• Neutrality: demonstrating indifference and lack of commitment.
• Superiority: expressing dominance.
• Certainty: being rigid in one's willingness to listen to others.

2) Supportive Climate

Instead, individuals should foster a supportive climate, marked by these traits:

• Description: presenting ideas or opinions.
• Problem orientation: focusing attention on the task.
• Spontaneity: communicating openly and honestly.
• Empathy: understanding another person's thoughts.
• Equality: asking for opinions.
• Provisionalism: expressing a willingness to listen other the ideas of others.

LASTLY,

Additional Tips


A few final tips can help insure that conflict is successfully managed:

• Conflict Can Be Constructive. Recognize that conflict can strengthen your relationships.

• Be Prepared. Plan how you will communicate about conflict in order to create a supportive climate.
• Be Involved. Do not withdraw from the conflict or avoid conflict situations.
• Withhold Quick Retorts. Be careful about what you say and how you say it.
• Review. Summarize what you have discussed and make plans to continue the discussion if time permits immediate resolution.

Reference:

1. http://www.abacon.com/commstudies/interpersonal/inconflict.html
   

DONE BY: ISHVERJIT SINGH

Body Language

Body language is very important to show that you care for the person or not. Body language says it all even the tone of your voice. When a person comes to you and need your help, he/she wants you to understand their pain or give them advice. This is where you need your listening skills to help you with it. One of the examples of using a body language in these kind of situations are trying to hold their hand; thus you can understand the pain from there. Other than that is giving a long hug and holding him/her tightly stating that everything is going to be fine or I'm here for you. If he/she is crying, try to bring them somewhere where it is quiet and they have the whole day to express their feelings about the situation. There you need to listen attentively because he/she needs your advice from here. You need to give a soft voice because he/she has a lot of pain and having a soft tone voice will make he/she calmed. Eye contact is one of them to show that you are listening and it really helps you to actually listen to them.

Communication Through electronics

Communication through email, sms, facebook messages can be so misleading. Take this for example.

Hello!!!!!

The writer may mean it as exciting and you know. high energy Hello!!!

And reader may see it as.. Sarcastic Hello!!!! Like.. the Hello!! Come on! Think for yourself!! kind of hello.

There are so many ways one can interprete an email or sms or facebook message, so why do we use it then despite all the trouble we can get into. And without non-verbal cues, it is harder to explain something too. Don't believe. Try this exercise.

A simple picture is shown to u. Your task is to direct your friend (who hasn't seen and will not see the picture) to draw the picture on a piece of paper without using non-verbal cues. Means you can only talk. No body movement what so ever. In fact, it is best if you do this without seeing each other. Meaning your friend an only hear you. You are not allowed to see your friend's drawing till the end. The time given is 3 minutes.

That piece of art your friend did, would be your certificate as a communicator. How good or how well a communicator you are shows in that piece of drawing. And there you go.