Sunday, January 31, 2010

Non-verbal communication (Body language) Week2Post2, JWCD

Girls, young girls, especially of our age like to dress nicely, sexily or just in nice clothing that flaunt themselves. To females it gives them confidence to know that they have some "assets" and nice points to flaunt. But to certain males or most males they will recieve the message of (from good to bad): "*Whistles* that's hot!", "I appreciate the eye-candy", "Hmm what are you WEARING?", "Geez girls nowadays", and so on, and the last and worst being "she's begging to be molested/ed". That last one, of course, only goes to the perverts. And although I've never worn anything shorter than the knees, some people still have the guts to make a move on me. That's one of the other reason that I wear pants everyday in KL. Hmm. That reminds me. I'm going to wear my first short skirt in my entire life on Chinese New Year. My mother must be worried I'll become a lesbian or something by the way I dress last time she came to escort me home that she agreed to let me wear something short when I merely suggested it. I guess that's another message I give out that really isn't right. Trust me though. I wear skirt everyday in my hometown. I don't know why, but even wearing a knee-length skirt is dangerous here in KL. Yeah it's not that bad as you think, I know. When I wear the short skirt, I wonder how would I fare? Maybe just wear it to school. No idea. I promised my friends to let them see me in a girl's attire at least once before graduation anyway.

Anyway, when males have the wooing reaction, isn't that a form of communication that replies to the girl's body language/ how she's presenting herself: "Hey, you look nice!" ? Then why girls who get wooed brush that off as insulting? Of course, when you break down what sometimes men say to represent "Hey, you look nice!", it includes: Whistling, giving the wink, giving you a smile that you may find lustful or offensive, etc. and the most undesirable of all - Body contact. Molestation. Physical molestation. But let's get back to the wooing part. Males (Strangers) may call you "lenglui" or "pretty gal" in Cantonese, or woo you. Isn't that a compliment on your beauty? Doesn't it feel good to be liked? Why do we still feel angry at that?

The answer then, I think, is the wrong form of communication. But WHAT exactly is wrong? I asked myself. Isn't it very direct? You're a girl, and you're pretty in his eyes. So what is offensive in there? Maybe his mistake is

1. being a stranger to you.
2. not being flowery enough to win you over.

Don't be angry with me yet. To translate it further, the mistakes of wooing someone:

1. "Strangers" is spelled as "T-R-O-U-B-L-E" to all, if not most people. It's natural to feel strange if one you don't know suddenly has something so good to say to you.

2. By not being flowery enough, I mean that sometimes people (male or female) just act immediately on their sudden emotions. And those instant emotions that pops up are RAW. And if you're a WWE fan, RAW is WAR!! And for those of you who don't understand, RAW = primitive, a no-no ESPECIALLY for girls, and is spelled as "A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G". Maybe that's why our ancestors came up with the "think before you act" saying. There's also one saying that acting on impulse is acting on sin. You don't kill someone just because you're angry. Even if you're angry you don't go to THAT region where you take someone's life. So maybe that proverb applies too. Maybe.

I saw that obese guy in the Maju Trading litrally acting like a monkey: Wooing and BANGING the newspaper table as the office girls pass by! What impressed me was that the girls actually smiled at him. Maybe they've experienced it many times, or just that they are emotionally intelligent. I would admire them more if it was the latter.

The only solution to this problem is knowlege either spiritually or academically. The specific term is understanding of others and restraint of self. To give you a shortcut, I think smiling brightly as if a sun has suddenly brightened your room and standing your ground works, always. 1. Because smiling like that means you complement the girl/boy earnestly and 2. standing where you are will, and is the only way to show number 1. If you close in your distance, believe me, that person would think that you are trying to make a move on him/her. Careful. But I really believe that this is the right communication to make if you really want to compliment someone. If you are trying to get close to someone, do number 1 and get closer and just use verbal language. The most bodily contact you could manage that won't cross the comfortable border would be shaking hands. May work, may not work. Everyone is different.

Are my reasons very unsensible? Unreasonable? Not understandable? You don't need to understand. Don't try to talk me into wearing a skirt; I don't have one now until my parents bring me one at CNY and I don't have anything to prove to you and I don't need to prove anything to you as well.



Other notes:

If any party is offended by the content, it's probably because it doesn't apply to you. Or you just hate me. Maybe.

This post isn't meant to represent any of the two sexes in any way; everyone is different.



JWCD
P.S. Does this post suck? Maybe.

Dependence of the Three Elements

It's amazing how tonality affects a message when sent out.

But how do we recognise which tonality is for which? a loud tone may mean angry or excited. A soft tone may mean sad or careful. How does tonality really affect a message that is being sent out.

Here's where i realize that tonality itself doesn't mean anything. It only means something when it is paired up with the correct body language or facial expression. With a loud tonality and angry facial expression, it equals out to angry. Loud tonality with a smiling facial expression equals to happy or excited. But it's the same tonality.

Therefore, we can safely say that we recognise tonality by receiving the correct body cues and interpreted as a whole. Here comes the big question. What about the blind? Does this mean the blind would not be able to interprete a message as accurately as people who can see and receive visual cues?

That's the thing about theories, it never applies to all situations. A blind person can and maybe be even more sensitive to tonality than us despite the fact that they can't receive visual cues. This probably means that tonality itself carries certain messages that we might be unaware of when we can see. Not only that, the deaf can't hear tonality! They depends solely on visual cues and yet they can interprete and receive as accurately as most of us. This shows that each and every element of communication is independent of each other, and it is when we can see and hear that the besome dependent of each other. if you suddenly become blind, you would misinterprete tonality and what not. But after a few years, you would be able to interprete messages without visual cues. It depends all on the person's getting use to.

Listening

Sympathic listening

Symphatic listening - This is shown when we pay close attention and express our emotions to someone for their ills and happiness at their joys.When we are a symphatic listener,we could only feel sorry for others and we would not be able to put ourself in their situation.For example,Christy told her best friend that her grandmother passed away.Her best friend could only feel symphatic for her but could not feel exactly what Christy had been through.

Emphathic listening - Empathic listening is an organized listening and questioning technique that helps us develop and enhance relationships through a stronger understanding of what is being conveyed both intellectually and emotionally.Emphatic listening occurs when we go beyond sympathy to seek a understanding about how others are feeling. This requires very close attention to the emotional signals.When we are being truly empathetic,we actually feel what they are feeling and put ourselves in their situation.

NONVERBAL GESTURES AROUND THE WORLD.

Nonverbal Communication Argentina

  • Cheek-kiss

A handshake and nod show respect when greeting someone.

An embrace and one kiss on the cheek are common between friends and acquaintances.

Argentine stand close to each other when speaking. Do not back away.

The “O.K.” and “thumbs up” gestures are considered vulgar.

Hitting the palm of the left hand with the right fist means “I don’t believe what you are saying” or “That’s stupid.”

Don’t use toothpicks, blow your nose or clear your throat at the dining table

To summon a waiter, raise your hand with your index finger extended.

For social events, arrive thirty to sixty minutes late. Arriving at a party on time is impolite. Telephone your hosts the following day to thank them.




Nonverbal Communication in Cambodia

  • Nonverbal-communications

The head is believed to contain the person soul therefore it is a taboo to touch or point at the head.

Cambodians greet each other by placing their hands, palms together, near their faces and bow slightly. This is called
Som Pas.

Cambodian sits with their legs straight down and not crossed. Crossing your legs shows that you are an impolite person.

Feet are considered the lowest in value of body parts and thus it is insulting to point them at someone.

It is not polite to have eye contact with someone who is older or someone who is considered a superior.

Cambodians tend to smile or laugh in both positive and negative situations. Therefore caution should be taken in interpreting a smile or laugh in order to avoid misunderstanding.

When accepting a gift from an older person, it is polite to use both hands.

Before entering a house, it is important to remove your shoes and cap. This simple act is indicative of the esteem your hold for your host.



Nonverbal Communication in China

  • Cultural norms

The Chinese don't like being touched by strangers. Therefore, don’t make any body contact.

Never use your index finger to beckon anyone. If you need to call a Chinese person, face the palm of your hand downward and move your fingers in a scratching motion.

Chinese don’t point with the index finger but with an open hand.

Using both hands when offering something to a visitor or another person is considered being respectful.

Touching or pointing to tip of one's own nose with raised forefinger means it's me.

When walking in public places, direct eye contact and staring is uncommon.

During conversations, be especially careful about interrupting - Listening is a sign of politeness and of contemplation.

Many Chinese consider winking to be rude.

Chinese of the same sex have close physical contact with their friends.

Chinese tend to smile easily when they feel difficulty or embarrassment. Smile because of embarrassment by a Chinese might be interpreted as being friendly by a westerner, but really they are embarrassed.



Nonverbal Communication in France

  • Body-language-secrets

Greeting friends with an exchange of kisses is very common. However the number of kisses and the side that the kisses start on vary by region.

The French shake hands upon meeting someone for the first time, particularly in the business world.

When using the fingers to count the thumb is the first counter, the index finger is two, the middle finger is three, etc. If you hold up two fingers (index + middle fingers), you'll get three of whatever you're ordering, not two. Because the French count the thumb even if you don't hold it up.

Holding your hands out, palms down, and smacking one hand down onto the other means lets get out of here.

Making a fist, holding it up in front of the nose, and twisting your hand while tilting your head the other way - indicates that someone is drunk.

Putting your index finger and pulling down the skin under your eye is equal to saying I don't believe you.

Do not slap your open palm over a closed fist. This is considered a vulgar gesture.

The "okay" sign, made with index finger and thumb, means "zero."

The French use the "thumbs up" sign to say "okay."




Nonverbal Communication in India

  • Interpreting-body-language

Greeting with 'namaste' - placing both hands together with a slight bow is a very common nonverbal communication and shows respect for Indian customs.

You can also shake hands; Men may shake hands with other men and women may shake hands with other women. There are seldom handshakes between men and women because of religious beliefs. If you are uncertain, wait for them to extend their hand.

Indians value personal space, therefore don't stand close to Indians, allow an arm's length space.

Public displays of affection are not proper.

Side to side hand wave is frequently interpreted by Indians as "no" or "go away."

Use your right hand only to touch someone, pass money or pick up merchandise. The left hand is considered unclean.

Do not touch anyone's head. The head is considered sensitive.

Never point with a single finger or two fingers. Point with your chin, whole hand or thumb.

When an Indian answers, "I will try," he or she generally means "no." This is considered a polite "no."

Pointing a finger at someone would be considered rude.



Nonverbal Communication in Japan

  • Japanese-greeting

Bowing is a customary nonverbal communication in Japan - Bowing during an introduction shows status. Business inferiors must bow lower than superiors.

Walking habits - The Japanese walk in short quick strides and drooping shoulders this low posture is called teishisei.

Eye Contact - eye contact shows that you are being aggressive, and rude. It is normal in Japan to avoid eye contact as it shows respect.

Pointing with the index finger is considered rude. You should point with the entire hand.

When entering a private home or traditional restaurants, it is usually customary to remove your shoes and place them with the toes pointing toward the outdoors.

Frowning while someone is speaking is interpreted as a sign of disagreement. Most Japanese maintain impassive expression when speaking.

Japanese find it hard to say 'no'. The best solution is to phrase questions so that they can answer yes. For example, do you disagree with this?



Nonverbal Communication in Mexico

  • Mexican-customs

Shake hands or give a slight bow when introduced.

Women (initiate the handshake) and Mexicans generally stand close together when conversing. Don't show signs of discomfort, which would be considered rude by your Mexican counterpart.

Don't stand with your hands on your hips; this signifies anger. It is considered rude to stand around with your hands in your pockets.

Time is a very flexible thing in Mexico. As such, don't be offended or surprised if your contacts in Mexico don't show up in time.



Nonverbal Communication in Nigeria

  • Body-languae-at-work

Be careful about eye contact. Constant and direct eye contact can be seeing as being intrusive. Therefore gazing at the shoulder level or the forehead is considered polite.

Touching or making gestures when speaking is very common and should not be interpreted as having any sexual undertone.

Don't use your left hand to give or receive objects. The left hand is considered unclean.

Shake hands upon meeting someone and don't forget to smile! Sometimes men may place their hand on the other person's shoulder during a handshake. Shake hands again upon departing.

Don't shake hands with a woman unless she initiates it.

Exchange hugs and kisses with people you know well.

To rush a greeting is extremely rude; spend time inquiring about the other person’s general well-being.

Thumb extended upward is considered a very rude signal.



Nonverbal Communication in Russia

  • Russian-greeting

A handshake is always appropriate when greeting or leaving.

Don't shake hands over a threshold (Russian belief holds that this action will lead to an argument).

Public physical contact is common. Hugs, backslapping, kisses on the cheeks are common among friends or acquaintances and between members of the same sex.

Russians stand close when talking.

When a Russian touches another person during conversation, it is usually a sign of confidence.


The “thumbs-up” sign can be an acceptable gesture of approval.

Putting your thumb through your index and middle fingers or making the "OK" sign is considered very rude gestures in Russia.

Speaking or laughing loudly in public is discouraged.




Nonverbal Communication in Thailand

  • Thai-customs

The traditional Thai greeting is called the wai. In general, the younger person greets first, by placing the palms together at chest level and bowing slightly. If someone wai to you, it is polite to wai back.

In giving or receiving gifts or passing things, Thais ordinarily use the right hand. They place the left hand under the right elbow, and bow the head slightly.

Do not touch another person’s head. The head is considered sacred, since it is the source of intelligence and spiritual substance.

The feet come in contact with the ground, and thus are considered to be dirty. Pointing the bottom of your feet at someone can be interpreted as an insult.

Remove your shoes before entering a temple or a home.

It is rude to sit with your ankle crossed over a knee, or to place an arm over the back of someone’s chair.

A smile is often used for an apology, and a nod doesn't mean yes, it is simply a gesture of respect.



Nonverbal Communication in Turkey

  • Understanding-body-language

People greet each other with a two-handed handshake or by a kiss on both cheeks.

It is very common to see two man holding hands or arm in arm at walking on the street This means that they are just good friends.

Waving a hand up and down at you, palm towards the ground, is a signal for you to come.

Elders are highly respected. If you are seated, rise to greet them when they enter a room.

Don't cross your arms or put your hands in your pockets while facing or talking to someone.

Inclining your head forwards means ‘yes’ and inclining your head backwards and raising eyebrows means ‘No’

In most countries when thumb and index finger form a circle it means “Okay”. In Turkey it means homosexual and is considered a big insult.

Turned-up palm and fingers held together forming a small ”bowl”: means “good”, and is used when commenting on food.

Turks tend to stare at one another and at foreigners.

Turks will stand close to you while conversing. Do not back away, as this can be construed as unfriendly.

It is vital that you maintain eye contact while speaking since Turks take this as a sign of sincerity.

Pressing your thumb on your upper teeth is a sign of fear.




Nonverbal Communication in United Arab Emirates (UAE)

  • Body-language-signals

Placing hands on the heart shows genuine respect and humility. Sometimes, this is used in combination with a small bow, meaning thank you.

Scratching or holding of a chin or beard is an indication that someone is thinking. It might be wise to wait until the person has finished thinking before continuing talking.

Friends' kissing each other on the cheek is a sign of friendship, and it is common amongst male friends.

Shaking hand is the normal greeting with a male. Females do shake hands with each other, and occasionally a kiss is shared. Males should not shake hand with a female unless the hand is offered by a female.

Touching noses three times when shaking hands is a traditional Bedouin greeting.

Holding hands for a long period after shaking hands is a sign of friendship

A Hug is an indication that you are considered a trustworthy friend. A refusal to touch may suggest that you are believed to be untrustworthy or unclean.

If an Arab bites their right finger, it is a sign of contempt and that you are not liked.

If a semi clenched hand is placed in front of the stomach, it means that you are thought to be a liar.

Placing finger on the Nose, beard or head means that it is the intention of the person to undertake what you are talking about.

Putting all fingers and thumbs together (like a cup) means; 'Wait just one minute' or 'slow down'.

If the fingers of the left hand are clasped together and touched with the right forefinger, this is the equivalent of giving someone the finger in the West.

A clawing action with the right hand is usually indicative of a beckoning to move closer or to come into a room. Never beckon anyone with one finger pointing up

The sole of the foot is dirty - never point the sole of your foot in the direction of an Arab.

When offered something to drink, always say yes. Saying no would mean rejecting someone's hospitality.



Nonverbal Communication in Britain

  • Hand-signs

The handshake is the common form of greeting.

There is some protocol to follow when introducing people in a business: Introduce a younger person to an older person. Introduce a person of lower status to a person of higher status. When two people are of similar age and rank, introduce the one you know better to the other person.

Hugging, kissing and touching is usually reserved for family members and very close friends.

The British like a certain amount of personal space. Do not stand too close to another person or put your arm around someone's shoulder.

Staring is considered rude, and makes people feel uncomfortable.

If you hold up two fingers in a ‘v’ sign and the palm is facing inward it means ‘up yours’.



Nonverbal Communication in the U.S.A

  • Business-handshake

Greetings are casual and quite informal - A handshake, a smile, and 'hello'.

Stand while being introduced. Only the elderly, the ill and physically unable persons remain seated while greeting or being introduced.

Handshakes are usually brief. Light handshakes are considered distasteful. Use a firm grip. Eye contact is important when shaking someone’s hand.

Keep your distance when conversing. Americans are generally uncomfortable with same-sex touching, especially between males.

Americans smile a great deal, even at strangers. They like to have their smiles returned.

Men and women will sit with legs crossed at the ankles or knees, or one ankle crossed on the knee.

It is considered rude to stare, ask questions or otherwise bring attention to someone's disability.

Arrive on time for meetings since time and punctuality are so important to Americans.



“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.”
~ Peter F. Drucker
~

Reference:

http://www.expats-moving-and-relocation-guide.com/nonverbal-communication.html




SO, WHAT THE IMPORTANCE OF KNOWING THE GESTURES FROM OTHER CULTURE?

Because nonverbal communication has also cultural meanings and is being interpreted according to the cultural context it occurs. Cultural norms regarding kinetics vary considerably between countries; if you are not familiar with the local body language you might be misunderstood, and sometimes misinterpret the local nonverbal signals. This can certainly lead to embarrassing and uncomfortable situations. So, before relocating overseas it is recommended to obtain as much information as you can about the nonverbal communication codes that are customary at your destination country. Understanding body language of the destination country and interpreting body language correctly will not only assist you to avoid unpleasant situation but will grant you respect from the locals.




TYPES OF NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION AND BODY LANGUAGE.




There are many different types of nonverbal communication. Together, the following nonverbal signals and cues communicate your concern and investment in others.


* Facial expressions

The human face is extremely expressive, able to express countless emotions without saying a word. And unlike some forms of nonverbal communication, facial expressions are universal. The facial expressions for happiness, sadness, anger, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same across cultures.



* Body movements and posture

Consider how your perceptions of people are affected by the way they sit, walk, stand up, or hold their head. The way you move and carry yourself communicates a wealth of information to the world. This type of nonverbal communication includes your posture, bearing, stance, and subtle movements.



* Gestures

Gestures are woven into the fabric of our daily lives. We wave, point, beckon, and use our hands when we’re arguing or speaking animatedly—expressing ourselves with gestures often without thinking. However, the meaning of gestures can be very different across cultures and regions, so it’s important to be careful to avoid misinterpretation.



* Eye contact

Since the visual sense is dominant for most people, eye contact is an especially important type of nonverbal communication. The way you look at someone can communicate many things, including interest, affection, hostility, or attraction. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the flow of conversation and for gauging the other person’s response.



* Touch

We communicate a great deal through touch. Think about the messages given by the following: a firm handshake, a timid tap on the shoulder, a warm bear hug, a reassuring pat on the back, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on your arm.



* Space

Have you ever felt uncomfortable during a conversation because the other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all have a need for physical space, although that need differs depending on the culture, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship. You can use physical space to communicate many different nonverbal messages, including signals of intimacy, aggression, dominance, or affection.



* Voice

We communicate with our voices, even when we are not using words. Nonverbal speech sounds such as tone, pitch, volume, inflection, rhythm, and rate are important communication elements. When we speak, other people “read” our voices in addition to listening to our words. These nonverbal speech sounds provide subtle but powerful clues into our true feelings and what we really mean. Think about how tone of voice, for example, can indicate sarcasm, anger, affection, or confidence.

Relationships

When Mr. Murali assigned my friends and I in different groups, none of my close friends were in my group nor I was in theirs. I was really upset. I thought it was "kerek" (LOL) of him to do so, I always wanted to know whyy?? I thought I could not get along with my new group mates. However, I thought wrongly of them. My group mates are really funny and brilliant. I never thought that they could be such a wonderful people to spend time with. I also got to hangout with my close friend's group mates when all of us had to do our non-verbal video assignment and I actually knew most of their names. We basically in each other's videos, and we had so much fun! I never talked to them last semester and I underestimated them. I always thought that they were vain or unfriendly. However, I never thought that I could get along with them. We're actually alike in a lot of ways. I actually wondered if they thought the same thing; my group being vain and unfriendly. Now Im thankful and I understand the reason why that Mr. Murali assigned my friends and I in random groups. If not, I never knew how awesome my new friends can be. So I want to thank you Mr. Murali.

P/S- Im not trying to get extra marks yeah? Just letting you know. Thank you

NURUL IMAN

Miscommunication

Miscommunication is the misunderstanding and misconception of messages between two or more communicating parties.It may be caused by a few reasons such as not paying attention to what is being said or even the hidden meaning of the words or maybe hand signals.

In class...Mr Murali wanted us to make a video to show non verbal communication.
My group found out some very interesting moves on the internet that we can put into the video. In the video we were trying to show some miscommunication by using hand signals.

For example
wave our hand
in Italy - Fxxx your mother 20 times
OK
in Japan - money
shake head
in some tribe - yes
nod head with a 'tok' sound make by tongue
some community - no

We should learn others country hand signal to prevent miscommunication.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

5 Steps of Conversation

In the 5 steps of Conversation, it is said to follow this order

Opening --> Feedforward --> Business --> Feedback --> Closing

Now, as we all understand, when we meet someone, these are the steps we generally got through. And that we officially will greet each other, talk a little about some generally things (opening) and slowly specify down towards what you want to say (feedforward). Next you go straight into business and discuss about the topic at hand. Following which you hear what the other person has to say (feedback) and when all is agreed or concluded you close off.

Relating it back to our daily lives, this doesn't really happen does it. There are many different situations and they all vary.

NORMAL FRIENDS
You would start off with an opening to start the ball rolling. And the feedforward is very subtle, almost unseen. It's as if you merged the opening and feedforward together along with the business as well. In fact sometimes you don't even reach into the business part cause as friends, you tend to digress from the topic. As for the feedback, its almost absent here. Possible because as NORMAL FRIENDS, the listener don't want to be judged and therefore dare not disagree or give comments that might differ from the speaker.

CLOSE FRIENDS (during a crisis)
As close friends, the opening is absent as both of you are already comfortable. You immediately launch into the feedforward and start of the business. The feedforward would be very minimal for as close friends, the listener is expected to know what the speaker is talking about. Feedback in this form of relationship takes a larger percentage of the whole conversation for both listener and speaker are able to accept the opinions of each other. Or expect to accept. And you would realize that the closing, somehow resembles the general opening. They would actually start asking and talking about things such as "So how are you now?", "Had lunch yet?" for the closing/opening.

WORKING COLLEAGUES
Opening is done at the beginning of the day when you first meet. And that's it. Everything else is business. And closing is at the end of the day. Think about it. You come in to work and the usual "Hi" "Hello" "How are you" How's the kids" thing go around. And nothing else. Occasionally you would joke around. Then most of the time its straight to feedforward and business. And at the en of the day, its the "bye" "take care" " drive safely". And that's it. There is no time to go through all 5 stages during a conversation in the work place.

ENEMY
HAHA You go straight to business. In giving crititcs and annoying your enemy. It's either business or feedback. But i prefer to call it feedback because they give you your weaknesses. Of course not all are applicable, but you can get some good stuff of your enemies sometimes. But that's besides the point, the point is there is no opening nor closing nor feedforward. But only business and feedback. Even if there is an opening and closing, it is minimal and insignificant.

THE CONCLUSION
The 5 stages of conversation is, like the other theories, only theoreticle. It doesn't really apply to real life.




Friday, January 29, 2010

Communication Models and Concepts-Linear Model of Communication

Before I went to English-speaking countries, I realized that my pronunciation and grammar is very weak. However, after for so long being there, I had improved my speaking skills when speaking with the Americans/British people. It also made me pick up with their accents too and understand their culture easily. I use to have a mixture of British and American accent, which was quite weird. Now, when I came to this college, I have a lot of Indian friends and I tend to pick up their accents too.

NURUL IMAN

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Five Principles of Verbal Messages (Week2Post1) JWCD

You know what? Just let me write everything down before thinking of a title BEFORE I forget everything.

Today it just snapped in my head - Everytime when I write about Human Communication in the blog I end up cancelling it off. Why? Because everything I write somehow looks like something that should be on a Psychology blog or something. Then it occured in my head that why it happens too much is that 1. I may be too emo and 2. Psychology is part of human communication.

Ok, ignore the first part, and the second part is like DUH!!? Then let me put it this way: Psychology is part of Human Communication a.k.a. the Human Comm. subject. Get it? Maybe you don't, but anyway let's move on.

But what I want to explain, which sounds kind of crazy, is that the need for psychological analysis on the Human Communication subject is much more significant when human communication goes wrong; when we fail to apply or wrongly apply or don't apply all together theories in Human Communication. And that's why all the 3 posts I wrote always sound like psychological analyses.

Okay. So today I was in Mama's Kitchen, almost finishing my meal in front of me, thinking about what I am going to write on the blog, and much to my dismay, this Chinese guy came up to me. A China Chinese. Okay. Let me tell you beforehand, 1. I've met this guy once in Mama's Kitchen before, and 2. DON'T YOU DARE LAUGH AT THIS, and YES I KNOW I'M PECULIAR WEIRD AND CRAZY but continuing on, 2. the last time I met him in Mama's Kitchen, I listened to him talking about all kinds of stuff from 5PM to 9PM, NO KIDDING, NO BLUFFING, and even liars wouldn't think of something as stupid as this but YES! I'm stupid enough to listen on for FOUR FREAKING HOURS!! When I went back and evaluate, they were interesting but not necessarily facts. So they're supposedly "fun fictions", not fun facts.

So the last thing I want to do is having the privilege to talk to him. But yes! I was unusually lucky today, and so after complaining to the auntie about the RM13 price on his food (despite the 40% discount. To all the people who do not know what I'm talking about, Mama's Kitchen has a discount from 3PM onwards until their 6PM closing time.), and mind you, he had a MOUNTAIN of rice in one plate and a MOUNTAIN of veggies in another. My GOD! Perhaps he thought that veggies are supposed to be cheaper, but too bad he took the veggies that takes more effort to prepare and hence the price, according to the auntie. But WTH?! I mean HOW IN THE WORLD do they survive with such binge-eating?! How in the WORLD?! can they eat SO MUCH RIIIIICEEEE?!! So after talking to the auntie, and paying his RM13 (futile resistance muahahahahaha), he came to me and sat next to me. Ahhhh very lucky gal I am, having a guy sit next to me just like that. Yes I'm just sooooo lucky today.

And then after talking it seems that he's finished his studies and waiting to go back to China soon before transferring to UK or something. BUT then, let's say, in short, that he asked me for a favor. He asked me if I could meet him around 11AM tomorrow at a phone shop he bought his phones from at Pusat Bandar Damansara (To make it simply it's just somewhere outside the HMC tunnel opposite Mama's Kitchen.) so I can interpret what he said to the shopkeeper who knows only how to speak English about what he wants with his phone or something. And when I ask him to tell me roughly what he wants to tell the shopkeeper so I can have a rough idea and a mental preparation of what needs to be translated, he hesitated before telling me his issue about his SIM card and that he wants to take it out and give the phone back to the shopkeeper. I didn't ask anything deeper. Okay. So let's assume he's renting it or he wants to trade-in. Hmm.

Then I asked why he needs me? Surely his English is not that bad since he's qualified to go to England to further his studies already, and I've heard his English, it's not that bad. He said that he needs me to translate so "nothing would get screwed up". When I asked him to explain what it meant, he just repeated his answer as many times I repeated my question. Hmm.

Then the way he looked at me and spoke to me is just wrong. I don't know why, but the way he looked at me was like cooing a prostitute. Forgive me, but this is how I feel. I had no contempt against him or whatsoever, but I felt this because when he sat beside me and greeted me it was a normal man's voice. And when he asked me for the favor his voice was of a cooing sort. Like a dove. And shone his innocent puppy eyes at me. Hmm.

I arranged a time with him about 11AM at the shop. As I was leaving there, I reaffirmed him that his English is not that bad. Then he started to praise me that I am very good in my English and keeps doing so even when I told him to stop. Hmm.

And lastly when I went back to the hostel I kept feeling that uncomfortable feeling which I identified as a mild disgust. Let's evaluate.

1st Hmm - His usage of words isn't quite right. "Afraid things would go wrong?" "Scared of screwing something up?" He only needed to just pinpoint WHAT exactly he thinks will go wrong, and that would have sounded a hell more convincing. Or if he doesn't even know what exactly may go wrong, then why in the world does he need my help? Or he is lazy to cross a bit of his English-language barrier to talk with the shopkeeper? Either way, it is not respectful to ask someone a favor without even getting straight what exactly the favor you are going to ask out of them. According to the Five Principles of Verbal Messages (Chapter 4): Messages vary in abstraction, message vary in directness. But that was too abstract and indirect, he shouldn't have beat around every bush. And according to Mr. Murali, being under-informed is dangerous!

2nd Hmm - His explanation is foggy and he refuses, if not failed to make a clear explanation. According to the Five Principles of Verbal Messages (Chapter 4): Messages vary in abstraction, message vary in directness. But that was too abstract and indirect, he shouldn't have beat around every bush. And according to Mr. Murali, being under-informed is dangerous!

3rd Hmm - The last time I talked to him, he's a typical Chinese guy that thinks girls should somehow still be below a man, and he wants to marry a submissive woman. According to Five Principles of Verbal Messages (Chapter 4): Message meanings are in people, messages are influenced by culture and gender. So the point I'm trying to make is, he doesn't treat me like an equal, as a student, as someone who is in an age margin that can accept everything as long as it is feasabily equal, as someone that accepts what you say as a human to human, not gender-related. And he also made himself look pathetic by looking at me with those eyes. It's not playfully making an innocent face; he just had that face which is not playing-around. Either he was really trying to earnestly seeks help or not, well too bad I'm not interested in romance or anything; I'm not saying he's trying to hit on me, no. So either he was really trying to seek help or not, he failed big time, especially for me (he may succeed with other girls), at least, because of that unfairness that he involuntarily showed.

4th Hmm - Too much unnecessary flatteries. Either he was thanking me, being too esctatic I was about to ease his burden and blurted out compliments, or just doing it to make me feel good. Too much of something is never good, especially when already feeling good. Never make promises when too happy. Never reply when too sad and never decide on anything when you are angry. If putting the 'too' in front, I would say "Never flatter too much when happy", "Never lament too much when sad", and "Never scold too much when angry". I always look around and find all these things so wrong yet so common.

So, my decision? NO I'm not going to meet him at the shop. I'm going to tell the Mama's Kitchen's auntie to tell him that I am busy if he by chance comes to the shop to ask. I've messaged to inform him but he can't message me back because he has no credit; that's the most I could do. By now you may be thinking that I'm mean but according to my evaluation

1. He is shroudy
2. I've only met him once
3. Jade messaged me about the exotic animal photoshoot program of our AniHELP event tomorrow (which I totally forgot) and I practically have to be there the whole day, so when I hate to lie, God gave me a valid reason not to lie, and not to go to the shop.


And yes. I am just so lucky today. THANK GOD! (In this case, quite literally.)






JWCD



P.S.: One of the Five Principles of Verbal Messages (Chapter 4): Messages are denotative and connotative. The Chinese guy may sound creepy in print but in reality it may not be that bad, depending on the people he meets and the personality to you possess.






Other notes but still quite important:

- I'm NOT trying to tarnish the Chinese man's image.

- This post is made solely for analyses and evaluation purposes for the Human Communication subject; this post WILL NOT GO OUT OF THIS CLASS.

- Any content that if by any chance or reason offends any individual it is all entitled to me. It is solely my own responsibility; Mr. Murali has absolutely nothing, and I repeat, absolutely nothing, to do with this post except for determining the value and marks of this post.

- Remember kids! The Five Principles of Verbal Messages
1. ...are denotative (very 'surface' meaning in print) and connotative (meaning in depth where you have to consider the next 4 principles to determine the meaning!)
2. ...vary in abstraction.
3. ...vary in directness. (Maybe you should just tell her you like her rather than peeking from wall edges! :P)
4. ...says that meanings are in people.
5. ...are influenced by culture and gender.

- Oh, I forgot something very important. The title name!



Ok. Signing off for now.

And just in case you don't remember who...


JWCD

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Waiter's Life

So many non-verbal communications are used in a waiter's life. The most common of all is the hand raising of a customer. And everyone is different and we must be able to catch them and understand them. This is particularly important when the customer do not speak the language you are fluent in. Or if the waiter does not speak the customer's language.

REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE!!
I recently started working at Sushi Tei at Tropicana City and it has been really fun. There are so many forms of non-verbal language used.

HAND RAISING/WAVING - I want to order

HAND CURVED IN A SIGNING POSITION AND CIRCLING - Bill please!

THUMB POINTING INTO CUP - Refill my tea please

TWO FINGERS KNOCKING ON TABLE - Thanks for the refill

WAVE LEFT AND RIGHT - No please

OPEN HAND FINGERS POINTING AT EMPTY PLATE - Yes please clear this for me

And for the waiter

OPEN HAND FINGERS POINTING AT EMPTY PLATE - May I clear this for you?

OPEN HAND FINGERS POINTING AT CUP - May I refill tea for you?

WELCOMING GESTURE - Welcome to our Restaurant, this way to your table

My experience in Sushi Tei is priceless. So many forms of communication are being used around the table. Expression of feelings, business talk, romance and so much more!! It's one of the best times for me since I'm also doing Human Communication now. I would be able to relate what i learn more effectively.

Signing out
MARCUS LIM WUI CHUEN

Self-disclosure loopholes (JWCD week1post2)

According to Mr. Murali's notes on self-disclosure:

1. Resist pressure to self-disclose if you are uncomfortable.

2. Do not be pushed into disclosing.

3. Be indirect and move to other topics.

4. Be assertive in protecting yourself.

But then isn't this a loophole for people with mental problems and disorders to fall even deeper into their own abyss? People with depression, Multiple Personality Disorder, schizophernia, hallucinations and so on; people who are falling deeper and deeper into insanity.

1. They will resist pressure from their loved ones who recognized them as having a problem.

2. They will be pushed to disclose. Out of love, of course.

3. They will change the subject or laugh them off instead of disclosing.

4. Protecting themselves? They will keep their secrets alright.

I'm not challenging everything Mr. Murali tries to say. But....just think about it. It is interesting to think about. Be attentive when you talk I guess. Someone laughing in front of you might not exactly be him. Don't call these loopholes or diasadvantages on second thought. Call them exceptions of the rule.

Before hopping out, here I present an interesting list of celebrity stalkers countdown starting from 10. (Just a fun fact that's not entirely funny)

No. 10 - William Lepeska, Anna Kournikova Stalker

It was a love story for the ages: middle-aged homeless man swims across Biscayne Bay to unite with his smoking-hot 20-something tennis-star lover. Well, that's how William Lepeska saw it anyway. Not so much for Anna Kournikova. Lepeska had tried to swim to the tennis star's Miami Beach house, but was caught wandering nude at the home of her neighbor. He was arrested and ordered to stay away from the entire neighborhood.

No. 9 - Rev. David Ajemian, Conan O'Brien Stalker

After the molestation scandals of the 1990s, the Catholic Church had endured about as much negative publicity as it could handle. Enter Rev. David Ajemian, the stalker priest who sent threatening letters and DVDs to Conan O'Brien of NBC's Late Night With Conan O'Brien. Ajemian pleaded guilty in 2007 to disorderly conduct and agreed to stay away from the late-night talk-show host. He was placed on leave by the Archdiocese of Boston after the scandal broke and was later stripped of his priestly duties entirely.

No. 8 - Dawnette Knight, Catherine Zeta-Jones/Michael Douglas Stalker

When Dawnette Knight developed an obsession with actor Michael Douglas, his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones became her natural enemy. In 2003 and 2004, Knight sent threatening letters to the Oscar-winning couple, which included claims that Knight would cut up Zeta-Jones and feed her to dogs. Following a much-publicized trial in which both Zeta-Jones and Douglas gave harrowing testimony, Knight pleaded guilty and was sentenced to three years in prison.

No. 7 - Cristin Keleher, George Harrison Stalker

Cristin Keleher gained infamy in 1999 when she broke into the home of former Beatles guitarist George Harrison and helped herself to a frozen pizza. She wasn't just overcome by munchies; Harrison had been the object of Keleher's stalker fantasies for years. She served four months for the crime, but was back in the news in 2006 when she was fatally shot in California, the victim of a murder-suicide.

No. 6 - Jack Jordan, Uma Thurman Stalker

At the trial of Jack Jordan, Uma Thurman's long-time stalker, the actress testified that she was "totally freaked out" and scared for herself and her children when confronted with Jordan's creepy advances. In an attempt to spark a love interest, Jordan had sent Thurman cards with sexually suggestive messages and threatening drawings, including one of an open grave, a headstone and a man standing on the edge of a razor blade. He was found guilty and sentenced to three years probation.

No. 5 - Margaret Mary Ray, David Letterman Stalker

For many years, schizophrenia patient Margaret Mary Ray stalked David Letterman, of The Late Show With David Letterman, and entertained fantasies about being his lover. Though he joked about her on his show, the threats Ray made against Letterman were no laughing matter. She broke into his home on several occasions and stole his Porsche at least once. Ray died by her own hand in 1998.

No. 4 - John Hinckley Jr., Jodie Foster Stalker/Would-Be Ronald Reagan Assassin

In 1980, actress Jodie Foster took a break from Hollywood to become a student at Yale University. It's also the year she became the victim of a stalker. John Hinckley Jr., was obsessed with Foster and enrolled at Yale for the sole purpose of being close to her. He soon began to leave letters and poems in her mailbox, including one in which he outlined plans to assassinate President Ronald Reagan in an effort to win her affections. On that same day, Hinckley traveled to a hotel in Washington, D.C., and made good on his promise, shooting President Reagan and other members of his party. Reagan survived. Hinckley was found not guilty by reason of insanity.

No. 3 - Anthony Gary Silvestri, Kathryn Dettman Murderer

In January 1998, Anthony Gary Silvestri broke into the home of television reporter Kathryn Dettman, a woman he had been stalking for many months. As Dettman stepped out of her shower and into her bedroom, Silvestri stood waiting for her with a knife. What ensued was a brutally violent attack: Silvestri stabbed Dettman more than a dozen times, leaving her dead on the apartment floor. He is currently serving a 40-year prison term.

No. 2 - Robert John Bardo, Rebecca Schaeffer Murderer

In 1989, Rebecca Schaeffer was a Hollywood darling, former star of the television series My Sister Sam and several movies. But just as her career was taking off, her life was cut short by Robert John Bardo, a man who had been stalking Schaeffer for years. In July 1989, Bardo showed up at Schaeffer's apartment and fatally shot her as she stood in her doorway.

Bardo's crime sent chills through Hollywood, especially because of the ease with which he found Schaeffer through her driving records. The incident led to new anti-stalking laws, including the 1994 Driver's Privacy Protection Act, which prevents the Department of Motor Vehicles from releasing private addresses.

No. 1 - Mark David Chapman, John Lennon Stalker/Assassin

In the fall of 1980, Mark David Chapman traveled to New York City with the intention of killing former Beatles singer and political activist, John Lennon. After spending the afternoon outside Lennon's apartment — an afternoon that included receiving an autograph from Lennon and shaking his young son's hand — Chapman shot the music legend in the back multiple times when he attempted to enter his apartment.

As Lennon lay dying from his wounds on the sidewalk, Chapman remained on the scene and casually read passages from the book, A Catcher in the Rye. He was sentenced to 20 years in prison. (Taken from Investigation Discovery)

_______________________________

References:

"Self disclosure" from Mr. Murali's notes. If he got it somewhere else, ask him. Sorry.

" Top 10 Celebrity Stalkers" taken from Crime Countdown: Investigation Discovery. Link: http://investigation.discovery.com/investigation/crime-countdowns/stalkers/stalkers.html

JWCD